On Wednesdays, I talk mindset tools with our Girls' Optional Team. And I am in continual awe of the athletes' understanding and application.
While our meeting has one goal; to empower the individual, more is available when we include parents and coaches in the conversation; a shift in sports culture.
A Bold Mission
To keep things simple in these three-step articles, I offer gymnastics examples. However, the information applies to all sports and activities.
And while these posts are addressed to the Parent and Coach, they aim to cultivate confidence in all three members of the athlete triangle (Athlete, Parent & Coach).
Three goals of each post:
Encourage self-awareness and personal reflection.
Explore alternative ways of thinking, feeling, or doing.
Empower coaches and parents as they empower athletes.
1. Self-awareness & personal reflection (without judgment).
As you master this skill, you become more effective at teaching it to your athletes.
Personal reflection is a part of every Team Mindset Meeting. We slow down enough to consider what thoughts are driving our actions. And we do this WITHOUT judgment.
Yes, that last sentence is important.
In each post, I am going to encourage you to self-reflect. The goal is to take inventory and discover what thoughts and emotions you're operating from.
Now you may be thinking, 'This isn't about me! I'm not the gymnast.'
True, you're not. But your ability to support your athlete increases with your mastery of this skill. If you're not practiced at observing yourself, this may feel awkward.
Most of us are conscious of our actions, but not as aware of our thoughts and emotions (I'll address why this is important below). Stick with it. Like anything, it'll become easier with repetition.
Observe your thoughts and emotions with curiosity. Judging your thoughts make them less available to you as an effort to avoid emotions like SHAME or EMBARRASSMENT. If you are feeling these emotions, that's a sure sign that you are judging yourself. Stop it.
Remind yourself that you are NOT your thoughts. Human brains offer non-serving thoughts. This is not unique to you.
Curiosity allows you to shift thoughts into useful fuel; opening the door for change and growth. Judgment keeps you stuck.
Thoughts that may help with non-judgmental awareness include:
"There goes my human brain again. Isn't that interesting."
"I wonder why my brain believes that thought is important."
"I notice I often feel _______ when _____________, I wonder what thought is driving that."
"Where else are similar thoughts showing up for me in my life?"
Now what do we do with all of this self-awareness?
2. Alternative ways of thinking, feeling, & doing for non-serving habits.
Applying The Self-Coaching model.
If you haven't yet, I challenge you to read Posts #2 - #6: The Self-Coaching Model. I promise your 10-minute commitment will be worth your time. You'll discover why this step (# 2) is extremely powerful.
Here are three approaches when considering alternative ways of thinking, feeling and doing.
QUESTIONS
One of the easiest ways to consider new ways of thinking is to utilize questions.
"What else might be true?"
"What other ways of thinking about this might serve me better?"
"What may another person believe about this same circumstance?"
"What might I feel if I let go of this thought?"
This relaxes the hold your brain has on the thoughts it is offering you. It reminds you that just because you have a thought, that doesn't make it true.
ADD-ON THOUGHTS
Another tactic when dealing with non-serving thoughts is to utilize add-on thoughts.
"I believe this to be true AND I might be wrong."
"I am having a hard time AND that is okay."
"This is challenging AND I will get through it."
"I don't know how to do this . . . YET."
This tool softens thoughts your brain is offering, by adding intentional beliefs.
BRIDGE THOUGHTS
This third approach takes you from a non-serving thought to a more useful yet still believable one.
"I hate beam. "
"It is possible that someday I will not hate beam as much as I do now."
"There is the beam."
"Some people like beam."
"I have the desire to like beam."
"I am choosing to find good things about beam."
"I enjoy the hunt for good things about beam. "
This approach allows you to bridge your way into a believable thought. It also acknowledges your primary thought instead of stuffing it with positive affirmations that your brain rejects.
Notice how "I enjoy the hunt for good things about beam" can be more serving that the thought, "I hate beam."
All three of these above approaches address thoughts. Alternatively, you can determine desired actions or emotions and work your way backwards.
It may sound something like this,
"What would I need to FEEL in order to take this action?" or,
"What would I need to THINK in order to feel this way?"
Be careful not to indulge in overwhelm with the magnitude of what this step might require. I'll guide you with each post, however it will be up to YOU to decide what thoughts, feelings and actions you want to try-on.
If you are confused by this section, make sure you read my 5-post series The Self-Coaching Model.
3. Supporting our athletes
My guess is that you started reading this post because you want to support your athlete(s) in reaching their full potential. You also may want to increase your effectiveness in your respective role. Good. That's what I'm hoping for too.
In each post (no more than a 5-minute read), I will offer action items or communication tools you can use to enhance your role as parent or coach.
While these tools are useful, their value increases as you utilize intentions 1 and 2. Don't be tempted to skip to section 3 in each post. Trust the process.
Questions? Send them my. Contact form found below.